When bad things happen!

Life is so fragile, so stupidly fragile. Being healthy and a functional human being from head to toe, psychically and psychologically is not something we should take for granted. Last week I had an unpredictable, terrifying experiences that took me to the hospital. I still don't know what happened but it all started at 9 pm. My heart started beating very strangely, my chest hurt,  I had breathing difficulties and it got worse  and worse until 2 am. I was afraid of falling asleep and not waking up which was stressing me even more. I could feel pins and needles on my left arm. Basically I thought I was having an heart attack.  Stopping having control over my breath and heart really scared me. The ambulance came to pick me up. I spent the night at the hospital. I was surprised because I didn't feel anxious or stressed or nervous in a while, at least consciously!

When I used to go to the gym, my instructor told me that it was essential for me to exercise in order to release all the adrenaline and energy I have inside of me. Well, I stopped exercising one month ago.  

Anyway... Since that, I realised how lucky I am. Gratitude is fundamental. It's easy to wake up in a bad mood or to have negative thoughts.  We've been programmed to take medication for everything, to compete, to be extroverts and team leaders, to be intellectuals and funny, to be attractive and slim, to be mums and wives and career oriented women... And we just forget what we really want and who we really are.  It's good to accept that life is unpredictable and we don't have to be consistent all the time. Consistency... I hate this word! It's OK to have questions and to be curious. What is not OK is to hurt other people while we're searching for ourselves,  it's not OK to be judgemental and to believe we know everything. 
 Things happen when we don't expect them to happen, for good and for bad. We can have our whole life sorted, dreams and plans... but we need to leave some space to be surprised. To laugh, to fail, to be inconsistent and to diverge and include other possibilities.After this episode (and after losing a family member too on Friday - a subject that I don't want to bring up now) I've been exercising being present all the time, here and now, and grateful. 

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